Stairway to Friendship

 

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Knapp’s Relational Model was developed by professor and researcher Mark L. Knapp as a “theoretical model for relational enhancement which routes the interpersonal development between two people.” This model outlines the process of how relationships are established, maintained, and sometimes terminated. The model consists of ten stages that are categorized into two broader stages: “Coming together” and “Coming apart.” Relationships are built in the “Coming together” stage: Initiating, Experimenting, Intensifying, Integrating, and Bonding. On the contrary, relationships end in the “Coming apart” stage: Differentiating, Circumscribing, Stagnating, Avoiding, and Terminating. The following YouTube video (starting at 1:30) by Hope Churchill describes and gives examples of the various stages.

I have been friends with my best friend since 2007, when we were stationed together on the USS George H. W. Bush. We have shared many good and bad times, from sleeping on each other's couches to being roommates and then living on our own. During a portion of that time, my friend was in a long-term relationship with a boyfriend who I disliked for several reasons. It felt as if our relationship was in the circumscribing stage but many of the boundaries in our relationship were there because of her boyfriend. A few years later, she got out of that relationship and we were back to the bonding stage. I even moved into her spare room while preparing to transfer to a new duty station in Washington State. During my time living in Washington, we were able to visit each other 2-3 times, and while online communication was an available option, we mainly communicated through text messages and the occasional phone call. Now that I’m back on the East Coast, we see each other more frequently but not as often as either of us would like since we’re still about 5 hours apart. I feel that we exist in a relational maintenance phase that goes between bonding and differentiating. 

We live very separate lives, but when we’re together, it’s like we were never apart. We even went on a weekend trip to see LCD Soundsystem last month.